My previous post talked about how Google thinks ads about UFOs fit this blog, and being an alien myself with an official Alien Registration Card to prove it, I was thrilled.
My favorite ad appearing on this site so far was from an enterprising Texan at www.alienabductionprevention.com. He sells a device, guaranteed for life no less, that protects the wearer from Alien Abduction. Yes fear no more, friends. For only $5.25 + $1.50 S&H you can sleep easy knowing that you're absolutely protected from this particular fate. Think he's joking? Think again, bucko. He offers a 110% refund should his device ever fail!
What a brilliant plan. Suppose, just for a moment, that his device actually does nothing, that it’s completely ineffective against some or even all evil aliens. If the odds of abduction are one in a million (details behind this calculation available on request) then he would have to refund $5.76 for every six millions dollars in revenue. What an incredible business plan.
But wait! The JimH Blog has an even better deal. Send me a certified cashier’s check for $10,000.00 and I personally guarantee that some time in your life you WILL be abducted by an alien. Should your lifetime end without an abduction, simply come to me personally with proof of an abduction-free life (I, of course, will be the sole judge of the validity of that proof) and I will cheerfully return 110% of your purchase price.
Whose is the better offer? Enduring an abduction can be inconvenient if it comes at the wrong time. There are the risks of anal probes, unquenchable desires to build towers out of mashed potatoes, and other humiliations to endure. Ah, but the upside is tremendous. You and you alone (well, you and my other customers) get the thrill of actually meeting a Being from Outer Space. You’ll zip around the sky darting this way and that accompanied by flashing lights and eerie sounds. There is no grander adventure, no greater thrill.
Don’t delay. Sign up now for this amazing offer today. You won’t be disappointed. I know I won’t be.
PS. Long time readers of this site will remember my first UFO-related blog entry here.
Wait, for $25,000, I'll ensure you have an alien abduction.
And I'm not even an alien.
Posted by: Larry Osterman | April 19, 2005 at 04:54 PM
Faboo blog!
Do you recall the grim "alien registration" animated PSAs from the early 60s? I am fruitlessly looking for them, and any direction would be appreciated.
The alien/UFO Google link is too funny. Artificial Intelligence has yet to develop Artificial Judgement.
Posted by: Dadoovark | May 11, 2006 at 10:13 AM